Two men, strangers, different as they come.
One says he “was shockingly good at taking instructions from others.” Perhaps, he was compliant, especially with authority figures.
The other? Perhaps one could say he was hard-headed from young. Not angry nor hateful. But always his own man. Independent thinker.
The paths of these two men went separately for many years, decades. And then they converged. Both had their fair share of troubles. As Job in the Bible declared: “Man who is born of a woman is few of days and full of trouble.” (Job 14:1)
And somewhere in the process, they met. Some would say through a series of coincidences. Others see the providence of God. One, a first-time poet; the other, a friend and publisher. Together, they would birth a book. Both have stories to tell. But each in his own way intends to leave behind hope – the hope that joy and strength are possible behind much pain; the hope that comes through faith in God.
Both are resilient men. And both recognise with brutal honesty that no one is really self-sufficient.
But each in his own way intends to leave behind hope – the hope that joy and strength are possible behind much pain; the hope that comes through faith in God.
This is first the story of Yeo Whee Jim, poet and author. And his friend, publisher Fong Hoe Fang, whom he roped in to share some thoughts in this sit-down with Impact.
For Whee Jim, summer 2007 started off so well. He was in Oslo, Norway and had just completed his MBA there. His wife Lok Yan and one-year-old daughter Min had spent three months enjoying Oslo. Whee Jim was looking forward to a great future, one he felt he had earned. With his newly acquired degree, he was returning to Singapore to take on what was possibly a career-enhancing new role.
Then tragedy struck. The day before the family’s planned return from Oslo, his mother passed away. It was the first blow. A couple of months later, Lok Yan was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. The next six years or so would be an emotional roller coaster ride through countless medical consultation loops, dietary overhauls, dismal prognosis, and the collapse of false hopes. And gradually, Whee Jim came to trust in Christ.
Coming to believe in Christ was a gradual process of prayer and surrendering my life to God. There was no big-bang, no spiritual makeover.
Lok Yan was a believer to begin with. She prayed to God. Soon, help and prayers from Christian brothers and sisters poured in fast and furious, from sources expected and unexpected. Lok Yan started her Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) course, and went back to church regularly. I, too, started attending church regularly. I was initially prompted by a desire to accompany Lok Yan and Min. But God won me over by all the love and help from Christian brothers and sisters, whom He sent our way: relatives, friends, friends-of-friends, colleagues, former colleagues, cancer survivors, people whom we didn’t know at first, but subsequently became friends.
Help from God came in big and small ways – some folks accompanied Lok Yan on her countless appointments to the oncologist; one friend did one-on-one bible study with Lok Yan; others pitched in to look after Min while checking on me regularly just to see how I was coping. It was no coincidence that Lok Yan’s oncologist turned out to be a staunch believer who not only supported us medically, but also spiritually. It would literally run into pages to list every single Christian brother and sister we need to be thankful for.
I learned to accept help in big and small ways, too. That was hard for me – someone who thought he was self-sufficient, the provider. I learned not to rely on my strength but God’s and to lean on the angels God sent to help me make it through each day. People have told me many times that in helping, they were blessed. In giving, they were receiving. Faith is about community and relationships, not just about us individually.
I learned to accept help in big and small ways, too. That was hard for me – someone who thought he was self-sufficient, the provider. I learned not to rely on my strength but God’s and to lean on the angels God sent to help me make it through each day.
Hoe Fang added, “Sometimes it is not just our circumstances that shape our character, but also the way we look at the circumstances and how we respond. When Whee Jim accepted his situation and the help proffered, it opened up new perspectives. Whee Jim accepted the encouragement and assistance of people to write his book of poetry and hoped that his story would prompt others in similar situations to keep going.”
2013 was a grief-stricken year for Whee Jim. In March of that year, both Whee Jim’s and Lok Yan’s father died, within an hour of each other. Seven months later, Lok Yan herself would breathe her last and return to her Lord. Grief became a part of life.
The grief that I have been feeling has somehow been integrated and folded into my life. At times, the grief almost disappears and fades into the background, like how the tide recedes. And when I least expect it, the grief comes back with a vengeance to engulf me and drag me out to the sea like the monstrous waves from a tsunami.
CS Lewis says God “shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” Whee Jim understands that “Comfort and good times can breed complacency, a sense that we've arrived and don't need anything more.” But he contends that God speaks in other ways too.
God “shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
Is suffering the only route? There are those who find a deep sense of connection to God through artistic expression or intellectual inquiry. Or in “the awe-inspiring nature I have experienced on my trips to the African Savannah, the North Pole, and the Galapagos Islands, and even visits to our local parks when I was decidedly more able-bodied. ‘The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.’” (Ps 19:1)
Whee Jim has been surrounded by death through these last many years. Now, his own health is deteriorating and he’s looking at impending death. He has been diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, a wasting away of muscle tissue, that has been taking away most of the abilities we take for granted. Death is not a friend, but as believers, we understand it does not have the last word.
The fear of the unknown is deeply ingrained in the human psyche. Right now it's the process of dying as opposed to death itself that frightens me the most. That's why we need verses like Isaiah 41:10. Strangely enough though, there are few things on Earth that are as certain as death.
For some of us, one of the most unsettling aspects of death is the thought of leaving unfinished business, unsaid words, and unresolved conflicts. The road to death is also about making peace with the finality of this life, in finding meaning and purpose in the here and now, and ensuring that the impact we leave on the world is one we can be proud of. For those of us who cling onto our faith, it goes beyond all of these to include the precious hope of an afterlife – one that offers not only the solace of eternal life but also reunification.
Hoe Fang is himself no stranger to the spectre of death. When he was 45, out of the blue, he had a fever that would not respond to treatment. He went into a coma that lasted a couple of days. That experience gave him the resolve to truly know the God he said he believed in. Then about 13 years ago he was diagnosed with stage 3 nasopharyngeal cancer. He ended up the only survivor in a cohort that was undergoing chemotherapy at that time: “It was clear to me that I needed to be doing something else. God provided someone to take over my business. Now I am interested in memoirs and life stories that would inspire others. Life is measured by the impact you make, the relationships you nurture, and the meaningful things you do.”
Life is measured by the impact you make, the relationships you nurture, and the meaningful things you do.
In talking to Whee Jim, you meet a tough person. He is not one to sweep his life experiences under spiritual-sounding slogans. He recognises that faith, doubt, and questions are not opposed to each other. It has not been an easy journey as he has lost count of the number of times he wanted to throw in the towel. To him, it is hard to align not just his experience but all the sufferings and injustices in the world with a God who is all-powerful and just and loving.
Again the echo from Job: “Man who is born of a woman is few of days and full of trouble.” (Job 14:1). Whee Jim reflects on the faith journey surrounded by death and pain; he knows there are no easy answers.
My faith has been a source of strength on good days (Lam 3:21-23). But it hasn't offered me all the answers. To some extent, it allows me to focus on what I can control – my own attitude, my response to suffering – and to find meaning in the midst of the pain.
Ultimately, faith is a personal journey that I have found to be at times rather lonely, even though I am blessed to be surrounded by many friends and family members who shower me with love and concern. As long as we continue to walk our transient journey on Earth and experience all that we are experiencing, the answer to the question of God's justice will probably continue to elude us.
Whee Jim hopes his book will encourage others on this painful journey on earth: that they are not alone.
Writing this book became a form of therapy, a way to express the depths of my despair but also my enduring hope and faith. I've learnt the hard way that most things, if not all, are far beyond my control. At the same time, I have grown to have a much deeper and richer appreciation for the simple things in life – spending time with loved ones, waking up each day and thanking God for the blessing of a brand new day – and not to take all these gifts for granted.
Above all, I’ve learnt the incredible power of choice: the choice to move ahead, the choice to trust God to sort things out for me, the choice to accept the gift of unmerited grace from God. I’ve learnt that when I choose to lean on God to support me, I can deal with anything in life. Ms Tan, my secondary school teacher who became a missionary, died many years ago. The way she handled her dying gave me a glimpse of what it means to choose to fight the good fight, to choose to complete the race, to choose to cling on to Jesus and to choose to keep the faith right to the very end. Similarly, I am particularly inspired by Lok Yan, who has truly been a blessing from God. She chose to complete her journey on earth in a way that edified others and glorified Him.
Yeo Whee Jim says that as far as he can remember, God has been reaching out to him. His book of poems ‘Itinerary’ was published on 28 June 2024. In it, Whee Jim, with brutal honesty, writes of his struggles with life.
Fong Hoe Fang, a friend of Impact, was the unofficial “computer consultant” in Impact’s early years of computerisation. He and his wife, Wai Han, are publishers with a focus on inspiring personal stories, under the auspices of Dakota Books.
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